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Satire : Champagne Bottle Cracks Littoral Combat Ship’s Hull During Christening

Discussion in 'The Americas' started by Agent_47, Mar 14, 2017.

  1. Agent_47

    Agent_47 Admin - Blog Staff Member MODERATOR

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    ALAMEDA, Calif.— The Navy’s beleaguered littoral combat ship (LCS) program experienced another embarrassment this week, as its newest addition to the fleet suffered an 18-inch crack to its aluminum hull after being struck with a customary bottle of champagne during the vessel’s christening on Saturday.

    Officials estimate the damage to the future Freedom-class USS Fresno (LCS-27) could be in the tens of millions. :blink:



    “Pre-Commissioning Unit (PCU) Fresno sustained a significant structural laceration this morning, as the result of having been targeted by a rotund foreign object,” read an official statement released by the Commander of Naval Surface Forces Pacific.

    “Specifically,” the statement continued, “said object has been identified as a 2014 bottle of Korbel, which was wielded at a high rate of velocity against Fresno’s bow by the ship’s honorary sponsor, Emma Jean Devereaux.”

    Devereaux has since been identified as “Little Miss Strawberry Patch 2016,” a 17-year-old rural Fresno County beauty pageant winner.


    Sources report that Devereaux — who suffers from cerebral palsy, and is the pageant’s first disabled contestant to be crowned — was reduced to tears after unintentionally having set the Navy’s LCS program back untold millions of dollars by courageously finding the strength to tap a three-pound, $10.00 bottle of alcohol against the hull of a 3,500-ton, $362-million warship— only to see her efforts result in tragedy.

    The damage to PCU Fresno is merely the latest in a long line of mishaps suffered by the Navy’s eight-year-old LCS program.

    In Sep. 2016, USS Montgomery (LCS-8) suffered a pair of engineering casualties while in transit in the Gulf of Mexico. During the month of August, USS Coronado (LCS-4) also suffered an engineering casualty, which came just days after the flagship of the entire LCS program, USS Freedom (LCS-1), needed an entire engine replacement due to a flood of seawater into the ship’s lube oil system.

    And — perhaps most embarrassingly — USS Omaha (LCS-12) failed to launch in Sep. 2015, when the Navy realized that there were no major bodies of water within any close proximity to the ship’s namesake city (The vessel later plummeted onto its side in a corn field).

    “This whole thing with the champaign bottle is really just a minor setback, and the ship will be seaworthy once she’s gone through some minor repairs,” said Cmdr. Lawrence McNeil, commanding officer of PCU Fresno.

    “What really matters is that little Emma Jean — God bless her — found the strength to swing that bottle of Korbel, because the Navy is all about people before anything else.”

    At press time, the Navy announced that it relieved McNeil from command of PCU Fresno, citing a "loss of confidence and ability to lead."


    Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2017/03/c...-combat-ships-hull-christening/#ixzz4bIvNVu3k
     
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  2. Ankit Kumar 001

    Ankit Kumar 001 Captain Technical Analyst

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    @PARIKRAMA @Agent_47 @anant_s @Abingdonboy @Hellfire Remember the incident between INS Godavari and PNS Babur? PNS Babur, a Type 21 class frigate has hull made of aluminium.

    The pakistani tried to damage our vessel. But our ship remained calm and changed it course.

    Had it not ? Type 21 would have been a diving wreak and Pakistani Navy short of 1 junk ship today !!
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2017
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  3. Gessler

    Gessler Mod Staff Member MODERATOR

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    It's a satire news. Duffel Blog is a satire site.

    It's true modern ships can't take the kind of physical punishment the old WW2 battleships could. But aluminium & other modern alloys have a myriad of uses and cost benefits, and saves an incredible amount of weight. Today a ship like the Kolkata-class displaces around 7500 tons, but if built with the materials & construction processes of WW2, it would be weighing in at over 20,000 tons or more.
     
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  4. VCheng

    VCheng RIDER GEO STRATEGIC ANALYST

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    PARIKRAMA likes this.
  5. Ankit Kumar 001

    Ankit Kumar 001 Captain Technical Analyst

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    Yes. Thanks for pointing it out.
    Only 26 LCS have been ordered till date. How come something happen to LCS 27?

    But on the reference to INS Godavari vs PNS Babur , my point was Steel vs Aluminium. Yes modular construction has reduced the weight much , yet the hulls of warships should/and have steel in them, atleast the front line vessels.
     
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  6. Agent_47

    Agent_47 Admin - Blog Staff Member MODERATOR

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    Thanks man, My bad :facepalm:
     
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  7. Hellfire

    Hellfire Mod Staff Member MODERATOR

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    I heard a different version of sequence of events whereby one vessel came just adjacent and was trying to force the other from path and second increased speed and cut to starboard at 'full power' .. one that can cause the Captain of INS Godavari to be sent home:biggthumpup:
     
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  8. anant_s

    anant_s Encyclopedia Technical Analyst

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    Metallurgy division QAPs are what they used to be :cursing:
     

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